


the sky in your eyes

by sarahhhhh



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Abusive Parents, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Demons, Angst with a Happy Ending, Child Neglect, F/M, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Mutual Pining, My First Work, Past Child Abuse, Pining, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-17
Updated: 2020-10-03
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:27:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 11,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25319056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarahhhhh/pseuds/sarahhhhh
Summary: in a world where the heartbreakers get demons and the heartbroken have scars.tsukishima kei has the most demons following him around in his high school and yamaguchi tadashi has a certain blond-haired boy's name scarred on his skin.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Other Relationship Tags to Be Added, Tsukishima Kei & Yamaguchi Tadashi, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 26
Kudos: 145





	1. hearts

**Author's Note:**

> aha i have no idea what I'm doing by the way.. I'm pretty new to ao3 and this is my first work.. I hope you enjoy it!

Tsukishima Kei had over 50 demons at the young age of 16. But most of them weren't even his fault. Foolish girls would just come up to him and confess. What did they expect? Kei barely knew them, did they just expect him to go out with anyone who asked?

That doesn't matter. His reputation was just a playboy. Nobody really bothered to get to know his personality at all, they all saw him as this giant, cold-hearted freak. All but one一Tadashi Yamaguchi. Tadashi had been Kei's best and only friend since they met during elementary school. Tadashi probably knew Kei better than his own family一he probably knew him better than Kei did himself.

"Tsukki!" Kei turned and saw the familiar boy running toward him. He slowed his pace and stopped next to him. "Good morning!"

"Good morning," Kei replied, ignoring the small demon whispering in his ear. The two boys started walking the same route to Karasuno, their high school. Tadashi started rambling about this odd dream he had last night, and Kei happily listened. He liked the sound of his voice, and Tadashi seemed to be the only person Kei didn't want to punch in the face.

"After school do you want to go get something to eat?" Tadashi suggested, shifting his feet. Kei's gaze lingered on his friend's face for a moment before turning away.

"Fine," Kei responded, thinking about the new cafe that opened recently. He walked by it multiple times but never went inside, though the aroma that escaped from the shop whenever the door opened was heavenly. Tadashi must've noticed.

"You want to go to the new cafe? Suga-san recommended it to me yesterday," Tadashi said with a smile.

"Yeah," Kei agreed, a small smile forming on his face. "That sounds fun."

The pair paused in front of the school gates. Tadashi let out a yawn.

"You're tired already? Class didn't even start yet." Kei quipped, his voice edging with genuine concern.

"I just didn't get a lot of sleep last night," Tadashi confessed, fiddling with his backpack strap. "It doesn't matter!" He said, giving Kei a reassuring grin.

"If you say so," Kei shrugged, starting to walk to class. He mumbled, "Don't overwork yourself."

"Sorry Tsukki," Tadashi laughed, following Kei. A tiny demon giggled in his ear, "He _likes you," in a sing-song voice, but Kei shrugged it off. It wasn't the first time some of his annoying demons came and told him that. Having been friends for almost an entire decade, Kei figured that if Tadashi had any feelings for him he would've found out by now, or he didn't know Tadashi half as well as he thought._

__

All of Kei's tiny demons were just extremely annoying. They love to irritate him even more than Hinata Shoujo, a hyperactive first-year with the most conspicuous appearance. He was short and had a head of flaming orange locks. The only difference between the two was that Kei would grudgingly bear with his demons since they tell him some gossip. It's not like he could get rid of them anyway. 

__

Class was as boring as usual. It was even more irritating since his demons kept whispering stuff like, "That girl is into you," or "He's picking his nose," It was at times like these Kei just wanted to drown all his devil companions. Nobody else could hear what his demons could say, which is a slight relief. Kei looked at Tadashi helplessly. They locked eyes and Tadashi seemed to know what was bothering him instantly. He gave him a reassuring glance and slightly shrugged his shoulders. 

__

Out of about 40 demons, Kei only had one big demon. He got this demon from his older brother, Akiteru. After "the incident" when Akiteru was in high school Kei has completely shut out his brother from his life. It's been a long time since the brothers had a healthy conversation, and it was Tadashi that Kei went to when he was feeling lost.

__

"Tsukishima," the teacher barked from the front of the class, snapping Kei out of his thoughts. "Are you listening?"

__

\--

__

Tadashi had been by Tsukki's side for as long as he could remember. Tadashi was the only person who had seen Tsukki cry. Tsukki was the only person who had heard him curse. Tadashi loved soggy fries, while Tsukki preferred the crunchy ones. Tsukki wasn't really into volleyball yet Tadashi loved playing the sport. Tadashi loved animals while Tsukki was more interested in dinosaurs.

__

Tadashi thought Tsukki was beautiful, yet Tsukki probably thought Tadashi was just a clingy nobody.

__

Tadashi had admired Tsukki ever since he had rescued him from his bullies. That admiration grew into something Tadashi wasn't quite sure he liked. Something like electricity struck his heart whenever he touched Tsukki, even if their knuckles just grazed against each other while walking. It was embarrassing, really. Millions of butterflies lay still inside Tadashi only to wake up and flutter around him whenever Tsukki smiled at him. A genuine smile. Like a smile that looks a bit odd as if they didn't know how to smile properly but it still gives you this warm, fuzzy feeling... like that smile was reserved for you and you only. What was that feeling?

__

Tadashi has one demon. Some days it feels like that one demon was bigger than himself. He got it from his mom, who had a drinking problem. Right now, she's locked up somewhere for all Tadashi cared. Dreading the day his mother was to be released, Tadashi had asked Tsukki last year if he could stay with him if his mom came back. He agreed. The Tsukishima family were the only people who knew about his relationship with his parents, and Tadashi lived alone. His dad stops by every few weeks or so while Tadashi's at school to raid the fridge and leave a mess behind. Technically it was his house since he was the one who had bought it, so Tadashi couldn't complain.

__

"Yamaguchi," came Tsukki's usual bored voice. Tadashi looked up to see him looking down on him. "Let's go,"

__

"Right!" Tadashi said, forcing himself to smile. He quickly packed up and followed Tsukki to the roof. They settled down and Tadashi began to feast on his single onigiri.

__

"What's wrong?" Tsukki asked nonchalantly. Tadashi almost choked.

__

"Nothing's wrong," he lied, averting his eyes. "Why do you think that?"

__

"You avoid eye contact when you lie," Tsukki stated, taking a sip from his carton of strawberry milk.

__

"I do not," Tadashi said indignantly, looking up. 

__

"You do."

__

"Do not!"

__

"You do."

__

"Prove it." "You prove it, lie to me right now." Tsukki demanded, staring straight at him, making Tadashi feel small. "Uh," Tadashi started, shrinking under Tsukki's hard gaze. "I like... peanut butter?" 

__

"You're not even looking at me," Tsukishima scoffed with a small shake of his head. Tadashi gaped and angrily bit into his food. 

__

"Are you thinking of your mom?" Tsukishima asks out of the blue. Tadashi choked on his food this time. He shook his head while coughing, and Tsukishima handed him his milk. Without thinking, Tadashi took it gratefully and drank it.

__

"Thank you," he said, sighing. He handed back the milk and Tsukishima took a sip. That's when he realized. Did that count as an indirect kiss? His heart skipped a beat and he stared at his lunch intently, trying to ignore Tsukishima's stares. "Do you think.." Tadashi mumbled, shifting on the ground. "She's... going to come back?"

__

"Yes." came Tsukishima's reply. Tadashi froze in place. "It's okay this time because you can stay with us." Tadashi looked at him and smiled.

__

"Okay!"

__


	2. tears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sad yama background :(

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i noticed how instead of adding chapters I've been creating entire works, so now I'm trying to fix everything lol-

“Disappointment!” Tadashi’s mom, Hitomi Yamaguchi, spat at the cowering little boy shaking in the corner. They had just come back from a family gathering, and after meeting her sister’s angel daughter, Hana, Tadashi was suddenly overwhelmed with the amount of expectation placed on his shoulders. “I did not raise an inauspicious piece of shit!” Hitomi slammed the wall Tadashi was leaning on.

“I’m sorry…” Tadashi whimpered, vision blurring with tears. In a split second, he raised he wasn’t looking at his mother anymore, and then the pain sunk in. He raised a shaky hand to his stinging cheek where Hitomi had slapped him. 

“All you do is cry!” Hitomi yelled, slapping him again. “Why can’t you be more like Hana?” Tadashi was holding onto the fact that his mom was just trying to make him the best person he could be and that she loved him and only wanted what was best for Tadashi. Hana was a year younger, but his aunt had enrolled her in many extra lessons and classes. She knew many more skills than Tadashi and couldn’t help but make him feel like he was worthless.

Tadashi ran to his room and locked his door, hearing the familiar sound of his mom opening a bottle of wine.

\--

Hitomi had just drunk a little bit too much at the gathering, causing her to see Tadashi as nothing but a waste of space and potential who couldn’t compete against her sister’s daughter. After her sister had dropped them off at their home, Hitomi unleashed the storm of emotions she had been holding in on her son. 

At around three in the morning, Hitomi woke up on the couch in a cold sweat. She blearily noted the blanket wrapped around her shoulders as she sat up and stared at a spot on the floor. She could've sworn she had thrown her glass there before passing out. That’s when it all came back to her, first through a wave of nausea. Hitomi leaned over and threw up in the trash bin that was beside the sofa. Did Tadashi put that there?

_Tadashi._

Remembering what she had done, she immediately scrambled to Tadashi’s room and found he was sleeping. She closed the door again and leaned against it, staring at the framed photos of her family across the hallway. She slid down the door and brought her knees to her chest and broke down.

“I’m such a bad mother,” she sobbed. “I’m so sorry… Tadashi…”

Unbeknowest to her, Tadashi was only pretending to be asleep. Snuggling with his blankets Tadashi smiled, she does still love me, he thought.

“It’s okay, mom.” He whispered before closing his teary eyes.

\--

Tadashi woke up in a cold sweat, the image of his mom still fresh in his mind. He checked his phone: 4 AM. Sighing, he tried going back to sleep, but his demon kept shaking him awake or giving him terrifying nightmares about his broken family. Tadashi stared at the large demon who had a smug expression on. Defeated, Tadashi whipped out his phone and started to text Tsukki.

Y: Tsukki, are you awake?  
T: Yeah  
Y: Sorry, did I wake you?  
T: No, demons never let me sleep  
Y: Same  
T: What did you want?  
Y: Nothing  
T: ?  
Y: I just had a nightmare  
T: About what  
Y: My mom  
T: Oh  
Y: Ehe sorry for disturbing you  
T: It’s fine  
T: Want to talk about it?  
Y: No  
T: U sure?  
Y: No  
T: ?  
Y: Idk  
Y: What are you doing?  
T: Texting you  
Y: You know that’s not what I meant  
T: Reading  
Y: Oh okay

The conversation sort of stopped after that. Tadashi tried going to sleep, but couldn’t. He shot an angry glare at his demon who woke him up for the third time with another nightmare. Going to sleep alone was scary.. he didn't like how every night his mom's face was the first thing he remembers in the morning. Like it was a constant reminder that he wasn't good enough yet. 

Y: Can I come over

Tadashi’s heart dropped when Tsukki didn’t respond. He just wanted some reassurance from his closest friend. His smug companion was staring mockingly at him, as if he was saying, “He left you on read”.

“Yeah, I know that!” the distressed male snapped at his demon. Unlike other demons, he didn’t talk. Instead, he communicates by giving Tadashi nightmares. Tadashi clutched his pillow and buried his face in it. He raised his hand to where his mom had slapped him for the first time. That wasn’t the last time. When he had seen her being taken away by some officers, he didn’t feel any guilt or pain. Seeing his own mother being handcuffed by officers, yelling for her son, Tadashi just watched. He felt safe. At that moment it had finally hit him that she didn’t love him, and even if she did, she obviously couldn’t take care of him. Hitomi turned to drugs and alcohol for reassurance and in the rare moments she was sober, she spent them crying and avoiding Tadashi. When Hitomi was taken away, it was the first time Tadashi saw his dad. He barely took notice at Tadashi. His dad didn’t want to care for Tadashi, so he just pays the rent and stops by every once in a while. Nobody wanted him. He quickly wiped away his tears and checked his phone again.

T: Open your door

What?

Tadashi stumbled out of bed and walked over to his front door. He opened it and saw Tsukishima standing there.

“Tsukki?”

\--

When Yamaguchi opened the door, the first thing Kei noticed about him was his tear-stained face and puffy eyes. Then he saw his messy bedhead and his pyjamas一which was a t-shirt that was two sizes too big and shorts.

“Tsukki?” Yamaguchi questioned, his voice heavy with sleep. He blinked once, then it seemed to hit him. “Ah! What are you doing here? I look like a mess…” he muttered then vanished into his room.

“Hello to you too!” Kei called out after him in a teasing tone, while a demon whispered ‘Doesn’t he look cute in that?’ Kei tried ignoring that comment but couldn’t help but admit to himself that Tadashi did look really cute.

“Can I come in?” Kei asks in front of Yamaguchi's bedroom door. He heard a squeak or something and a thud. “I’ll take that as a no,” A few moments later the door opened and he was greeted by his blushing friend.

“Sorry, Tsukki,” the green-haired boy says, and invites him in. They both sit on his bed and Kei tried ignoring the unholy comments his annoying demons were whispering, thankful nobody else could hear them.

“So,” Yamaguchi kinda laughed, looking at the ground. He started playing with his fingers. Those were his two telltale signs that Yamaguchi was either nervous or about to cry, out of their long friendship Kei had picked that up.

“It’s fine,” Kei found himself saying. Yamaguchi looked at him in surprise and confusion.

“What’s fine?”

“To cry,” Kei states, staring right into Yamaguchi's brown eyes. Tadashi bit his bottom lip and quivered. Kei brought him into a hug as tears began to fall. Kei hated seeing him cry, but sometimes crying was the best thing to do. “It’s not good to keep all your emotions locked up,” Kei murmurs into Yamaguchi's ear as he fondled his little ahoge. 

Yamaguchi gripped Kei’s shirt tightly as Kei gave him a reassuring hug. That’s how they spent the night, in each other’s arms.

And it wasn’t necessarily a bad thing.


	3. almost

Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep⎯

The soft beeping of an alarm was shut off and Kei felt the pillow he was hugging shift. He heard a faint yawn and then the pillow he was clutching stiffened. Odd. His peaceful dreaming had been interrupted by the alarm and Kei wasn’t at all pleased about it. 

Kei rarely got any sleep without one of his annoying demons suddenly deciding it was a good idea to tell Kei what they think the purpose of their lives were or something. He desperately wanted to go back to his dreamland before his pesky companions woke up.

“Tsukki, wake up,” a gentle voice murmured. Kei shrugged it off and hugged the pillow tighter. He muttered a drowsy, “five more minutes” and was about to fall asleep again until it hit him. Pillows don’t talk. Pillows don’t move around. The last thing he remembered was comforting a crying Tadashi. But that meant...

His “pillow” shifted again. Kei opened his eyes warily and the first thing he was were the beautiful freckles on the back of Tadashi’s neck and shoulders. They reminded him of the stars. He almost traced out a star constellation with his finger.

Almost.

But he really, really wanted to.

“Yama…?” Kei’s voice trailed off as his brain started to wake up. Kei felt blush creep onto his face as he slowly unwrapped his arms and propped himself up with one arm. Tadashi did the same.  
“Sorry…” Kei muttered and looked away. Shit. The memories started to come back now. Not only had they fallen asleep together, but Kei had been the one to initiate the cuddle. The cold, bitter and rude Kei spooning sweet little Tadashi. How embarrassing.

A heartbeat of awkward, yet calm silence passed until Tadashi spoke.

“I should be the one apologizing,” Tadashi whispered, voice quavering so softly that Kei almost didn’t hear him. 

Almost.

“What?” The blond questions, taking off his glasses to clean them. He had accidentally slept with them on, but none-the-less, it was the best sleep Kei had in months. None of his demons shook him awake or pestered him, and it looked like Tadashi was completely unbothered by his own demon as well. Tadashi smiles at the floor for a bit then looks up at Kei. He wonders if his childhood friend was looking at his demon.

“I was a real mess last night, wasn’t I?” Tadashi says louder, adding a small laugh at the end. He looked normal Kei wondered if he really was the same person sobbing Kei was almost fooled by his deceiving smile.

Almost.

He looks down and notices Tadashi’s shaking hands.  
He notices his bright smile falter.  
He notices how he bit his bottom lip.  
He notices the small tears brimming his eyes.

Kei noticed how behind Tadashi’s bright, sunshiney persona, he was really just a mess and needed someone to look him in the eye and tell him that it was all going to be fine.

And that was what he was here for. If there was any reason why Kei was placed on this earth⎯any reason at all⎯it was definitely to help Tadashi with whatever he needed. If that wasn’t his purpose, then there was something wrong with the universe. Right then and there, Kei decided that he would never leave his closest friend in this helpless state alone again. 

Without really thinking about it, Kei places his hand on Tadashi’s and felt him stiffen. He leans forward and whispers into Tadashi’s ear.

“You don’t have to pretend around me,” Kei says gently, yet sternly. When he leaned back he found that Tadashi had turned a bright shade of pink and red. He reminded him of a strawberry. The more Kei thought about it, the more similarities came to his mind. He felt the corners of his mouth upturn in a grin.

“W-what?” Tadashi mutters. Kei looks at him and felt his face heat up. They were alone. Together. On a bed. Kei mentally cursed at the demon who was whispering dirty thoughts into his head and cursed himself for being embarrassed by them. He got up off the bed.

“Nothing,” Kei replies. He started to walk away before Tadashi calls after him.

“What about school?” Tadashi asks, staring at the floor.

“It’s Saturday.” Kei answers casually. He heard Tadashi scrambled off the bed behind him.

“It is?” Tadashi mutters and checks his phone. “Oh... Hey!” Tadashi hissed the last part in a whisper. Kei turned around to see him glaring at the floor. It was probably his demon. But he couldn’t help but notice the tips of Tadashi’s ears turn red and he continued to stare at that spot on the floor. By now, Kei had gotten used to his demons. He was used to the way they insulted almost everyone he walked by, including Tadashi. He was used to the way they tried giving him the wrong answers during a test. He was used to the way they snickered at Kei when he messed up. 

Those were just his small demons. The demons he got from the foolish girls who asked him out. The girls who wanted the aesthetic of having a cold and arrogant boyfriend who warms up only to them. None of them bothered to get to know Kei for who he is. Kei didn’t even get a demon after rejecting some girls. That just proved how much they didn’t care.

But the demon he got from his brother… that was a different story. He was big, slow and radiated this completely gloomy aura. Whenever Kei got too close, the sluggish devil would project an image of a memory that Kei resented. He tries his best to push that memory to the very back of his mind, only for his demon to bring it out again whenever he pleased. 

The memory of looking across the auditorium to see his brother, the person he trusted and admired, on the sidelines, pathetically cheering on the Little Giant. All the trust and admiration Kei had for Akiteru shattered. Everything Akiteru had said to him… they were lies? He didn’t want to believe it, yet it was the truth.

Kei doesn’t hate his brother. He really loves him. But Kei was scared. Kei didn’t know how to react when the truth surfaced, so instead, he ran away from it. Instead of talking about it with Akiteru, Kei shunned him and his attempts to make things right between each other. Every time Kei ignored Akiteru, he noticed his demon get bigger.

“What do you want to do?” Kei found himself saying.

“I don’t know.” Tadashi mumbles. “Are you hungry?” Yes.

“Not really,” he says instead, ignoring the emptiness in his stomach.

“Well, I am.”

With that, Kei found himself at a fast-food restaurant sharing a meal with Tadashi. Probably not the healthiest choice, but it was still good. He didn’t mind it when Tadashi stole his fries. Instead, Kei pretended not to notice, almost smiling at the content expression on his friend’s face.

Almost.

\--

Waking up wrapped in Tsukki’s arms was the best way to start your day off. The feel of his touch and his legs entangled with yours. His warm, soft breath on your neck and his calm heartbeat in sync with yours. True bliss. Tadashi just experienced that this morning. If Tadashi hadn’t been so scatterbrained and set an alarm on Saturday, he might’ve been able to sleep a bit longer with Tsukki.

To Tadashi, it was like Tsukki was protecting him from all his nightmares. His stomach did a flip-flop when Tsukki murmured, “five more minutes” and held him tighter. 

A few minutes later Tadashi was at McDonald's, stealing all of Tsukki’s fries. Tsukki was pretending not to notice him nab the fries, but that didn’t stop Tadashi from feeling like a professional french-fry thief. Tadashi felt a little bit guilty for ending up eating all of his fries, but who could blame him? They were his favorite! Especially the floppy ones.

“What do you want to do now?” Tsukki asks as Tadashi finishes off his drink.

“Dunno,” the green-haired mumbles, tossing out his empty cup. The pair started walking and quickly found themselves in front of an aquarium. They look at each other and shrug.

(Disclaimer: this part is inspired by a cute TsukkiYama comic)

“Why not?” Tadashi says cheerfully. They went in and paid for their entry. Tadashi looked in awe at all the exhibits.

“Slow down! We have all day.” Tsukki says as Tadashi pulled him along. “At least let me read the info cards. Hey!” Tadashi stopped in front of the touch pool. He let go of Tsukki’s arm that he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. Without hesitation, Tadashi placed his hand on a sea urchin.

“Touch the sea urchin.” Tadashi says. Tsukki pulled back.

“I am not touching the sea urchin.”

“Do it.”

\--

Now Kei found himself touching a sea urchin. This day was just full of surprises, wasn’t it? Eventually, Kei gave up and allowed himself to be dragged along by Tadashi. In the busy aquarium, Kei felt content being in Tadashi’s presence. 

He found the look of complete awe in his eyes warm his heart. The way he wasn’t even aware that they were holding hands. Tadashi’s short attention span caused them to be constantly moving, with barely anytime to fully study the animals in tanks. Kei didn’t really mind. Tadashi pulled them into a room with glass walls and a huge aquarium on the other side of it.

“Uwah!” Tadashi gasps at the whale shark swimming by. The slow, gentle giant wasn’t the only thing in the water. Kei identified various fishes and creatures swimming in the coral and rocks. Kei squeezed Tadashi’s hand, which earned him a big toothy smile. Kei almost smiled back.

Almost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the aquarium part was inspired by an adorable tsukkiyama comic i saw! I can't really read the watermark since the image i have is very pixelated ;-; if you know the author please tell me!


	4. nightmare

“BRING IT!” Nishinoya hollered from the other side of the court. He was more fired up than usual, and Tadashi wasn’t quite sure if that was a good thing or not. 

On the other half of the gym, his teammates were practicing their nearly perfected synchronized attack and Hinata and Kageyama practicing receives in the back. Or maybe, Kageyama slamming the volleyball straight into Hinata’s face with a terrified Yachi handing them the balls.

He nodded back in response and proceeded to perform his jump float serve. Tadashi knew all the steps. He knew how high he had to toss the ball, the footwork and form he needed to maintain. The feeling of satisfaction as the ball soared over the net and landed on the ground behind Nishinoya.

“Argh!” Nishinoya groaned loudly, making Tadashi jump. “50 push-ups!”

“Nice serve,” Tadashi turned to the familiar, soothing voice. When he saw Tsukki standing there, holding out a water bottle, Tadashi took it, smiling.

“Thank you!” He chirped, taking a sip. Lately, the long friendship between the two seemed to be getting stronger every day. Tadashi was never so happy before. It took years and years of patiently waiting and finally Tsukki as letting him through his walls of pride.

“Okay, wrap it up for now! Let’s start to clean up!” Daichi ordered from where he was standing next to Sugawara. Everyone started to pack up.

“Already?” Hinata sighed, then immediately started to race Kageyama on who could pick up the most volleyballs.

“They’re such children,” Tsukki said in an annoyed tone, as we started to take down the net. The freckled boy let out a laugh.

“Well, at least it gets the job done,” Tadashi said, noticing how the gym was completely rid of volleyballs in a few minutes, minus the exhausted Kageyama and Hinata panting on the floor. 

Today was a good day. His heart felt light and warm. The moonlight was seeping through the gym’s windows accompanied by the faint sound of crickets chirping. The refreshing breeze sent comforting chills down Tadashi’s spine as he tried to peel the giant smile off his face, which he couldn’t. The world seemed brighter. 

Everything was perfect.

Then it hit Tadashi.

In the world he lived in, filled with demons and nightmares, nothing could be perfect. Nothing. Not for a second. Especially if you had a demon of your own.

But where was his demon? Now that he thought about it, Tadashi hadn’t seen his demon the entire day. Did he just decide he’d stop bothering Tadashi and leave his life forever? Tadashi looked around the gym. He couldn’t find the wretched devil anywhere.

“What’s wrong?” Tsukki asked, noticing Tadashi’s odd behaviour. “Did you lose something?”

“It’s gone,” Tadashi said hoarsely. Tsukki raised an eyebrow.

“What’s gone?” Tadashi didn’t want Tsukki to worry, it was probably just playing a trick on him. He bet his demon was hiding somewhere in the corner laughing silently at Tadashi as he made his friend freak out.  
“Are you alright?” The urgency in Tsukki’s voice made Tadashi’s stomach do a flip-flop. He was slightly touched that Tsukki cared enough about him to worry over him, though Tadashi didn’t want him to. 

Demons don’t just disappear. If the person somehow gets over the heartbreak, the demon will just slowly shrink to one of the annoying pests Tsukki has. They never just vanish, at least not that Tadashi heard of. Please let it all just be a prank, Tadashi thought desperately as he scanned the entire gym for the second time. 

He never had wanted to see his demon more in his entire life.

Tadashi knew Tsukki would do almost anything to get his demons to disappear, and Tadashi was lucky to have only one. So why was he making it such a big deal that it was gone? Some people dream about their demons suddenly disappearing, so why the hell did Tadashi want his back? 

Deep down, Tadashi think he knew why. He had read about it once, yet he refused to believe it was happening to him. Out of all the people in the world, why him? The chances were close to zero.

He felt a strong grip on his wrist, and snapped his head back and found Tsukki looking at him calmly; with a glimmer of worry in his eyes.  
“What’s wrong?” he questions gently, the sound of his voice immediately calming Tadashi’s nerves.

“My demon.” Tadashi croaked out. “He’s gone.”

\--

“My demon. He’s gone.” Tadashi whispered.

“What?” Kei said. The gym was emptying out, so Kei dragged Tadashi out while grabbing their stuff so Daichi could lock up. Kei took him by his hand as they made their way to the clubroom.

“It’s just gone… and I-I don’t think he’s hiding from me,” Tadashi continued as he allowed me to drag him outside. His voice cracked. “I think…”

Kei felt his blood run cold. He knew exactly what Tadashi was talking about.

Last year, Kei and Tadashi had been goofing around and searching up how to get rid of demons. They didn’t expect to find an answer, and they didn’t. But they did find this interesting, bone-chilling story a stranger posted on the internet. 

He wrote how his alcoholic dad got released from jail at the same time his demon randomly disappeared. When he got home and saw his father sitting there, waiting for him. It made sense. His demon disappeared because the real demon had come back into his life. A few weeks later, his dad died from an overdose and his demon returned to haunt him. They had checked up on the author and found he had committed suicide.

Kei found out the post was taken down a few days later. Though it was never confirmed, the chance of this story being real still existed, and the fact that it could be happening to Tadashi was still an option.

“No.” Kei said sharply, immediately dismissing the topic. “That story was fake.”

“I guess you’re right…” Tadashi mumbled. Kei released his hand as they entered the clubroom to change. Kei didn’t quite know why he was so worried about his friend. 

Surely if the chance that Hitomi had gotten parole and was going to stay with Tadashi, she would be better, right? There was nothing to fuel her alcohol addiction in prison, right? Then Tadashi would have a normal mother, who could take care of him. 

Right?

Kei himself could not build enough courage to face Akiteru. Not after all the years he had spent trying to be like him. All the years he was lied to. Now Tadashi may have to relive the nightmare with his mother again.

“KAGEYAMA!” came Hinata’s usual perky voice. “Throw me a toss!”

Kei clicked his tongue in irritation. It annoyed him how Hinata could be so happy all the time. Did he not have any demons? Or did he have a name written somewhere on his body? He looked at the orange-haired boy, who was grinning ear to ear. Kei could hardly imagine him sad. The only time he’d seen him sad was after their loss to Aoba Johsai in the last volleyball tournament. Did Hinata have ‘volleyball’ written somewhere on him?

Kei wondered if Tadashi ever had his heartbroken. You know, torn apart from the inside out. Ripped away as if you were dying yet you were completely fine. ‘Fine’ on the outside, but a swirling storm of rage and sorrow on the inside.

He shot a glance at Tadashi, who was pulling his shirt over his beautiful freckled back. He had known him for years. Surely Kei would know if Tadashi had ever had his heartbroken. What type of friend was he if he didn’t?

\--

As usual, Tadashi went to practice his serves with Mr. Shimada after school. It went well, despite the fact he was constantly distracted. After ensuring Mr. Shimada that he was fine and just tired, he started for his home.

Tadashi walked slowly home, praying every step of the way that his nightmares were not becoming reality. He took a deep breath in front of his door and told himself everything was going to be alright.

That the story was fake.

That there was no way that this was happening to him.

“I’m back,” Tadashi announced into the silence as he turned the key and stepped inside. Tadashi let out the breath he had been holding. The house was empty. His mom was nowhere in sight. He smiled to himself. 

He’d been worried over nothing! He should probably tell Tsukki he was okay. Tadashi turned to lock the door, feeling an overwhelming amount of relief. The story was fake, probably written as a dare by a depressed teenager. He was wondering what had happened to his demon as he turned around.

Tadashi felt his heart instantly start pounding in his chest as if he had just run a race. His knees buckled together and his legs almost gave away under him. He felt his lip quiver and blood run cold as he found himself face to face with someone. 

That ‘someone’ being nobody else other than Hitomi Yamaguchi, the very last person Tadashi wanted to see. Tadashi locked eyes with his mom. He noticed her pale skin and messy hair. Huge eyebags hung under her brown eyes. The familiar husky voice filled his ears as his mother spoke to him for the first time in years.

“Welcome home, Tadashi.”


	5. past

_“Crybaby!”_

_Kei turned to the voice and saw a scrawny boy with dark green hair and freckles sprawled on the floor, surrounded by some other kids. They were laughing at him, throwing bags and kicking dirt in his face. Kei scoffed as the boy’s eyes filled with tears. The bullies turned and noticed the blonde looking at him._

_“What are you looking at?” one of the boys questioned threateningly. Kei stared at the green-haired boy who was staring back at him helplessly. Great, was he supposed to help this kid now? He got himself into this mess, why should Kei bother? This was such a cliche to him as if it was straight out from one of those superhero novels. Making Kei the hero._

_“Pathetic,” Kei decides, starting to walk away. Kei was no hero, yet there was something about that boy that Kei couldn’t push away. He didn’t quite know what it was, so he shrugged off the feeling and walked back home, ignoring the bullies who were yelling insults at him._

_-_

_“Kei!” came Akiteru’s cheery voice the second Kei walked through the door. “Welcome home,”_

_“Hello!” Kei replied, grinning back at his brother. He sat down to take off his shoes and noticed the volleyball in the corner. Kei’s brother was on Karasuno’s volleyball team, which was a powerhouse in volleyball. And even better, he was their ace!_

_“Mom says her high school friend moved nearby, so we’re going to visit them today.” Akiteru said, taking Kei’s school bag._

_“Really? The girl mom keeps telling us the stories about?” Kei asks. Akiteru nodded, smiling at his little brother’s excitement._

_“Yup! She also says she has a son that’s the same age as you, so maybe you can be friends.”_

_-_

_“Hitomi! It’s been so long!” Chiyo, his mom, exclaimed as a woman opened the door. Kei watched as his mother bring the other woman into a tight hug. The woman had long, dark brown hair with bright hazel eyes. She had flawless skin with a stunning smile to finish it off._

_“Chiyo!” Hitomi squealed, pulling away from their hug. “Please, come inside, we need to catch up!”_

_Their house was really nice, Kei noted. It was smaller than his own home with some moving boxes laying around, but it felt really comfy and safe. The wall decor and furniture really complimented each other. The home felt so aesthetic as if it was straight from a magazine._

_“Pardon the mess,” Hitomi chuckled. Kei decided right then that she had the nicest laugh ever. “Anyways, who is this?” she said, bending down in front of Kei._

_“This is my youngest, Kei,” Chiyo said, nudging her son closer._

_“Hello Kei,” Hitomi said, giving Kei a pat on his head. “Nice to meet you!”_

_“Hi,” Kei said shyly._

_“My goodness, Akiteru, is that you?” Hitomi said, standing up to bring his brother into a hug. “You’ve grown so much!”_

_Kei tuned out the rest of the conversation as he noticed the tiny boy hiding behind his mom. He must be the son Akiteru was talking about. He looked really familiar… wasn’t that the boy from the park? The two locked eyes._

_He had the same green hair, freckles, there was a tiny mark on his cheek一probably where the bullies had hit him. Unlike his mother, his skin was littered with freckles. His messy hair was more green than brown and had this nervous expression on his face. Kei liked his freckles. They reminded him of stars._

_“Oh, this is my son, Tadashi,” Hitomi said, following Kei’s eyes. “How about both of you go to Tadashi’s room and play some games?”_

_Kei followed the boy as he led him to his room silently. He was a lot shorter than him, and seemed to be really anxious._

_Tadashi’s room was really neat, with a shelf filled with books and a sketchbook laid open on his desk. The boy quickly went and stowed it away before Kei could look at the drawings. Looking around you can see that Tadashi had a thing for art; with a painting of a galaxy hung up on his wall along with many photos of his family._

_“So what do want to do… Tsukki?” Kei turned to Tadashi, who was sitting on his bed, clutching a pillow. He raised an eyebrow in amusement._

_“Tsukki?” He questioned, putting the other boy into a tiny panic._

_“Uh, sorry I didn’t mean to offend you or anything, I just thought that ‘Tsukishima’ was really long to pronounce and-”_

_“You’re rambling, it’s fine,” Kei cut him off and gave him a small smile. Tadashi’s eyes shone as he smiled back. His smile was as pretty as his mom’s, Kei thought. No, his smile was prettier._

_“Sorry, Tsukki!”_

\--

Kei laid in his bed and stared at the ceiling, thinking. Tadashi’s mom used to be… well, normal. Hitomi and his own mother, Chiyo, we’re high school and college friends. Chiyo used to tell Kei and Akiteru the funniest stories of their friendship, so he was really excited when they moved nearby.

Hitomi was really nice. She was hardworking with a bubbly personality, like her son. She seemed perfect. But nothing was perfect.

Hitomi started getting stressed over her job at work and started to drink. Kei’s mom had tried to help her, but she refused out of her shattered pride. On the day that Hitomi finally snapped and hit Tadashi for the first time, Kei wasn’t allowed to visit for a few weeks. Tadashi stopped coming to school for a few days, and Akiteru and Chiyo refused to tell him anything.

Kei felt useless during that time. He knew his only friend was in trouble, yet he couldn’t do anything to help him. He kept asking until Akiteru finally told him that Tadashi was being abused by his mom.

-

_“What? She was so nice though!” Kei had protested. Then softly he asked, “Is there anything I can do to help?” Akiteru shook his head._

_“We’re trying everything we can do,” Akiteru said. “Just take care of Tadashi at school, okay?”_

-

Kei clicked his tongue in frustration. He had told Tadashi to text him when he had gotten back home, and by now he should’ve received a message. He felt useless again.

Forcing himself out of his bed, Kei pulled out his schoolwork and started to study, pushing Tadashi out of his mind. He tried to listen to music with his headphones, though his demons kept changing the song. Annoyed, Kei checked his phone for any new messages. None. He sighed and tried focussing on his homework.

“Kei, dinner’s ready!” his mom shouted from downstairs. Kei yelled back, “coming!” as he swatted one of his demons off his desk.

Kei stumbled down the stairs and found himself face to face with a surprise. A bad surprise.

“Hello, Kei,” came Akiteru’s voice. Kei stared at his brother in shock, which quickly turned into anger. How dare he even come back into Kei’s life? He heard his demons snicker in his ear as he watched Akiteru’s demon crawl toward him.

“What…” Kei scowled, clenching his fists. “What is he doing here?”

“He’s staying for a while,” Kei’s mother said gently. Kei scoffed. “Kei, please. This little fight between you and your brother had gone on wrong enough.”

She was right. Kei was being a kid running away from his problems. And you know what? Kei was fine with being a coward. 

He didn’t care if he and Akiteru never spoke again. But, still, he took a seat at the dinner table as the family shared an awkward meal. Kei ignored all of Akiteru’s glances at him and dismissed his mother’s attempts to start a conversation.

“I heard you’re in Karasuno’s volleyball team now,” Akiteru said. Kei just silently nodded. “Tadashi is on the team too, right?

“Yeah,” Kei mumbled, poking at his food. He felt a small pang of jealously as Akiteru used his first name. Kei didn’t even call Tadashi by his first name. “He’s really good,” Akiteru hummed in response.

The conversation quickly ended and after dinner Kei retreated to his room. He sighed as he stared at his homework.

If only Tadashi were here.


	6. peace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sixteen year old, runaway rebel Tadashi Yamaguchi finally figured it out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for spamming the same chapters, i realized I've been posting chapters wrong so lol-

_Tadashi had gotten used to the sound of glass bottles being smashed on the floor._

_Back in elementary school when his teacher had accidentally knocked over a vase, he barely flinched at the sound. All the other children, including Tsukki and the teacher, jumped at the noise. Some kids were even spooked to tears. Tadashi just sat there and calmly continued to read his book, not even noticing the panic arising in the classroom._

_At the end of the day, Tsukki walked with Tadashi home as usual._

_“Do you remember when our teacher knocked over that glass vase? Weren’t you scared?” Tsukki finally asks. Tsukki had always felt like he was the braver one of the two, so it bugged him that Tadashi was completely unbothered by something he got frightened over._

_“Not really,” Tadashi said, shrugging his shoulders. “I didn’t really notice it.”_

_“How?” Tsukki questions, kicking a rock down the sidewalk. Tadashi was quiet for a moment until he finally spoke._

_“I guess I’m just used to it.”_

_When Tsukki didn’t say anything back, Tadashi looked over to his friend. He saw the guilt, concern, sorrow and some other emotions Tadashi couldn’t identify reflect in his eyes._

_“Oh.” Tsukki says after a while. “Sorry.”_

_“Nothing to be sorry about,” Tadashi said casually, dismissing the topic._

_Normally Tsukki would walk with Tadashi until the front of his house, but was recently told that it was preferred if he just accompanied him till the bus station which was near both of their houses. They started waiting for each other at the deserted bus stop in the morning as well. This unspokenly became their school routine over time._

_Tadashi grew to find the bus stop as his safe haven. Every time he went there, Tsukki would already be there, waiting for him. Whenever Tadashi saw Tsukki he felt safe._

_A look into his golden-brown eyes immediately put Tadashi to ease in the morning.  
A look into his golden-brown eyes gave him comfort and courage at night._

\--

“Welcome home, Tadashi.”

_Tell me this is a dream._

Tadashi pleaded mentally. But this was real. This was happening. Tadashi knew this would happen one day. He knew it. He’d thought of the scenario countless times. 

On some of his sleepless nights, Tadashi would think about what he’d say or do if he ever saw his mother again. Right now, Tadashi couldn’t remember a thing. He couldn’t remember his well-thought-out plans on sneaking out in the middle of the night to go to Tsukki’s. His mind went blank as he stared at his mother.

Tadashi swallowed and said in a shaky voice.

“Hi… mom.”

The woman and Tadashi stared at each other for a long time. He couldn’t help but notice how she barely changed physically. Her eyes, hair, face… it was like she was never in prison for ten years. Well, apparently not _ten_ years. If she had gotten parole, shouldn’t Tadashi be notified about that? After all, she was staying with him, right? Or did she escape? Was Tadashi living with a criminal? Maybe his father was told since it was his house after all.

Suddenly she burst out laughing. Tadashi remembered the laugh. The genuine, angelic sounding laugh before when she was sober. The familiar sound rang in his ears like bells and for a moment Tadashi just wanted to break down in his mother’s arms like he was a little kid again. That’s all he wanted. A mother he could talk about everything and anything to. Somebody he could find comfort and safety in. 

Tadashi shook his head in disbelief as his mother’s laughter died down.  
He looked up in surprise when he saw the tears on the edges of her eyes.

“Oh, Tadashi…” Hitomi said gently, reaching out and cupping Tadashi’s face in her hands. Tadashi flinched at the touch, almost like she had just slapped him again. Then slowly, she moved and gave Tadashi a small kiss on his forehead. Tadashi could feel her tears against his face and felt like crying himself. “You’ve grown up.”

“It’s been a while,” Tadashi said after she had stepped away, keeping his expression stony. He watched his mom rub away her tears. “How have you been doing?” he asks, uncertain if he wanted to know the answer.

“Well,” Hitomi chuckled. “Maybe you would know if you came to visit me.”

Tadashi froze. The kind and loving expression on her face had been replaced by an unreadable one. Tadashi started to speak but was cut off.

“Nine years, Tadashi.” His mom whispered hoarsely. “Nine years, and you didn’t even come to see me once.”

A wave of emotions flooded Tadashi. First was annoyance, guilt, sadness, regret then finally he settled on anger. 

How could she even _think_ Tadashi would want to talk to her after the land mine she’s made Tadashi’s childhood? Now suddenly deciding to show up in his life again when things were going so well? Who did she think she was? Sure, Hitomi was still Tadashi’s mother, nothing could change that. But that didn’t change the fact she wasn’t a good mother. 

Tadashi wanted to say this to her face so, _so_ badly. But he couldn’t.

It was bad enough Tadashi had to deal with bullies every day and then go home just to be yelled at his mother. It was always like that. Until Tsukki came into Tadashi’s life like a knight in shining armour.

“…I see.” She mumbled and turned away from him. “You’re still mad at me,”

The anger boiled his blood. Yes, Tadashi was angry. 

“I guess.” He says instead.

“Do you not remember the times…” her voice trailed off.

“The times when you didn’t drink?” Tadashi supplied curtly. He saw her give the slightest nod before moving away.

“We used to play with your stuffed animals together and pretend they were superheroes…” Hitomi said quietly. “We gave them their own show, we even made them a theme song on the piano!” She laughed.

_Yeah, before you started to force me to learn piano so you could compete with your sister on who had the best kid_ , Tadashi thought bitterly.

“Do you still have that toy?” She said, turning to Tadashi, who had been silent. “That pink rabbit that smelled like strawberries? What was his name? Pete? Peter Pan?”

“Peter Rabbit.” Tadashi said quietly. He locked eyes with his mom and saw the corners of her mouth upturned in a smile. “Yeah, I still have him.”

“Ah, yes, Peter Rabbit.” She said cheerfully. The two stayed silent for a moment. “We had lots of fun together.”

“I guess you drank too much so you forgot… everything else.” Tadashi said, without thinking. Hitomi whipped her head around and looked at him with a raised eyebrow. He continued slowly, picking his words carefully. 

“You know… all the _other_ times… when you hit me and spat on me. The times you called me useless and worthless.”

Once he started he couldn’t stop.

“The times you made me feel like trash and kept comparing me to Hana like motherhood was just a stupid competition between me and your sister’s angel of a daughter! When you would force me to practice piano till there were blisters on my fingers or run miles in the hot sun so your talentless son could be worth bragging about to your friends.” Tadashi spat, choking back a sob. The filter he had vanished completely. He couldn’t read the expression on his mother’s face. 

“The times you would smash glass bottles on the floor─on _me_ ─and walk around drunk as your seven-year-old son cleans up after you! A grown woman! My mom.” Tadashi felt his voice falter at the end. His random burst of confidence was fading away, but there was still one thing Tadashi wanted to say.

“You made my life a hell.” Tadashi says steadily, staring right at her feet, not able to look her into the eyes. “I… I don’t think I can forgive you yet. So… please be patient with me as I try to, okay?”

With that Tadashi pushed past his shocked mom and charged into his room. He slammed the door without meaning to and stumbled into his bathroom. Tadashi let out a shaky breath and stared at his reflection.

Tadashi looked at the teen boy staring back at him. A boy with a tear-stained face full of freckles with a mop of messy hair. Tadashi unclenched his fists he had subconsciously been clutching, leaving marks where his fingernails had dug into his skin.

The swirling storm of emotions inside Tadashi was uncontrollable. His thoughts were running around in his head like a toy train on a never-ending track. His heart was pounding and cold sweat dripped down his neck.

He turned on the tap and washed his face as if the water would wash away all his freckles and blemishes that he hated. Tadashi combed his hair and stared at his reflection once again. He gave himself a weak smile and left the bathroom.

Immediately, Tadashi flopped on his bed and picked up his phone. He debated whether he should tell Tsukki about this or not. Tsukki would get worried. Tadashi doesn’t want him to worry. He just wanted to look into his beautiful eyes and feel comforted just once again. Was that selfish of him?

He decides not to.

It was only 5:30 PM. There was no way that Tadashi could eat dinner with his mom, especially after what he said. Regret churned in his stomach. Or maybe it was hunger. Was it worth the sense of satisfaction Tadashi felt? 

Was it really bad that the answer was that it was?

So, Tadashi does what all sixteen-year-old boys do after they just screamed at their abusive mother: he runs away.

Well, not really. 

Kind of.

Yeah, I guess he was running away.

Was it bad that Tadashi loved it?

He crawled out his window and was calmly walking down a sidewalk to absolutely nowhere. Tadashi followed his feet, not quite caring where his destination would be. Eventually, he would have to go back, he knew couldn’t run away forever.

But right now─this very moment, Tadashi didn’t think about the consequences. He didn’t think about the future. He didn’t think about his mom, Tsukki or anybody. He didn’t think about his missing demon. For once, Tadashi was completely alone. His body felt light as if the weights he had been carrying around were finally lifted from his shoulders. There was no demon to pester him. Tadashi was feeling many different emotions.

Proud.  
Terrified.  
Brave.  
Satisfied.  
Did he say terrified?

But he felt amazing.

Tadashi stops walking and looks up. He sees where his legs took him. Then Tadashi laughs. 

What he was laughing at? Nobody knows. Tadashi doesn’t know himself. Probably at himself. He was probably laughing at how _screwed_ he was when he came back home. How badly he messed up. Big time.

He finally stops laughing. He couldn’t wipe the dopey grin off his face, though. That was fine. Tadashi was alone. He takes a seat at his safe haven.

The bus stop.

Tadashi feels himself relax the moment his skin touched the cool metal as he sat down. The bus stop was different when Tsukki wasn’t there. Normally Tsukki would be waiting here for Tadashi. He knew he would. Then it finally hit him. 

Sixteen-year-old, runaway rebel Tadashi Yamaguchi finally figured it out.

_The bus stop wasn’t his safe haven, Tsukki was._

Tsukki was the one who made him feel like he was invincible by his side. Tadashi felt taller, stronger, smarter and cooler by his side. Tsukki made him feel warm. Safe.

Tadashi laughed at himself again. He stared at the starry sky and smiled. The moonlight shone down on Tadashi’s face. He closed his eyes and inhaled the cold air.

_Best friends don’t think of each other like that, do they?_

Tadashi slowly opened his eyes and exhaled. The stars twinkled above him as Tadashi stared at the moon. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of earbuds, plugged into his phone. The second Tadashi clicked play on a song, the world froze. He was alone with the stars and music. He felt peaceful and calm. 

Tadashi already learned nothing could be perfect. For the record, the last time Tadashi used the word “perfect” to describe something, he ended up having his nightmare come to life. Deep down, he exactly what could make this truly _perfect_.

If only Tsukki were here.


	7. realization

Kei stared blankly at his homework. He knew something was wrong, though he didn’t know what. The blond shrugged off the feeling and concentrated on his work, though it wasn’t due until the end of the week. An hour later, Kei was lying on his bed, staring at his phone. He debated whether he should check on his friend or not. Finally, he decides to.

T: Hey

Kei hated the fact that he was disappointed that Yamaguchi didn’t reply instantly like he usually does. Worry stirred inside him until he got a notification.

Y: Hi!  
T: What are you doing?  
Y: Stuff  
T: ?  
Y: :)  
T: Where are you  
Y: Uh  
Y: McDonald’s  
T: It’s 8PM  
Y: I know

Kei scrunched up his eyebrows in confusion. What was Yamaguchi doing at McDonald’s at nighttime? Kei shrugged his shoulders, relieved that his friend was safe. Kei heard a knock on his door and sat up while Akiteru walked into his room.

“Hey,” Akiteru said, almost uncertainly. Kei held back a scowl. He said ‘hey’ back, though he wanted him to leave. He watched silently as his brother sat beside him on his bed. A silence fell between the siblings as both searched for something to say.

“How’s school?” 

“Fine.”

Akiteru sighed and stared at the floor. Kei followed his gaze. 

He watched as his brother picked up an old, faded stuffed toy off his bed. “You still have this?” Akiteru mused, holding up the green dinosaur plush.

“Oh, uh. Yeah,” Kei mumbled, taking the toy from his brother. He held the dinosaur gently, tracing his fingers over the sew patches to keep the plush from falling apart.

“Tadashi gave it to you, right?” Akiteru questioned thoughtfully. “On your twelfth birthday or something.”

“Eleventh.” Kei corrected, fondly thinking back to the memory. Kei would never forget that day since that’s the day he realized he made a friend. Every year after that Yamaguchi would get Kei a different dinosaur toy for his birthday, and though Kei won’t admit it, he kept each one.

“Do you know what he’s doing?”

“He was at McDonald’s the last time I checked.”

“That’s not really what I meant, but when did you last check?”

“Just before you came in.”

“It’s eight PM.”

“He knows.”

Akiteru let out a chuckle and Kei allowed a small smile to creep onto his face. There was another silence until Akiteru asked him a question Kei was not expecting.

“Do you like him?” Akiteru said, turning to face his brother. Kei was surprised by tried not to show it. “Like, _like_ like him?”

“Who? Yamaguchi?”

“Yep.” 

Kei felt his face flush. He never really thought about getting into a relationship before, especially with his best friend. Kei knew all of Yamaguchi’s little habits and his quirks that he probably doesn’t even notice himself. Yamaguchi was the only person who would willingly deal with Kei’s attitude every day and Kei had this unsaid respect for him. They had so many memories together, Kei didn’t know what he would do if Yamaguchi hadn’t entered his life on that fateful day. Would he risk his healthy friendship with him because he had a little crush? What if he tried, and it ended up all going badly, leaving Kei friendless and heartbroken?

Kei couldn’t ignore the weird, fluttery feeling that he felt around Yamaguchi lately. Was that love?

Kei stared straight ahead. “I don’t know.”

Akiteru hummed in response, almost as if he was saying ‘I think you do.’ 

Kei was confident that he could say he wasn’t in love before, but now he’s not sure. Maybe he was or is, but just couldn’t identify the feeling. How was he supposed to be so sure it was _love_ he was feeling towards Yamaguchi?

“What does love feel like?” Kei asked without thinking. His brother paused before answering.

“I’m not sure,” Akiteru replied. “But I think when you’re in love, it’s like nothing else matters.”

Kei looked up at his brother’s words.

“You always want what’s best for them no matter how much it destroys you. Seeing them sad completely ruins you and they can _always_ make you try your hardest. They encourage you and are always by your side. You feel safest around them yet they’re the only people who can make you feel vulnerable.”

Kei was in love.

Yamaguchi deserved everything Kei wasn’t. If it weren’t for him, Kei probably would’ve quit volleyball a long time ago. Whenever Yamaguchi cried Kei felt like his heart was being torn apart to pieces. Kei loved Yamaguchi’s company more than he would admit, though he would often get dragged into doing something stupid along with him. It was just so hard for him to tell Yamaguchi ‘no.’ 

Yamaguchi made him a better person every day and Kei was a complete idiot for not realizing it before.

Whenever they simply brushed knees Kei felt like his heart was going to leap out of his throat. Yamaguchi had the softest hair and always smelled good. His eyes would get all bright and shiny when he was excited or happy and his smile could probably light up the entire world. And his freckles, _god_ , don’t get him started on his freckles. Kei _loves_ his freckles. Not only do they remind him of his favourite constellations, but they also added to his soft complex. His face looked so gentle and squishy to touch, yet Kei knew better than anyone Yamaguchi could and would kick your ass if you provoked him.

_Fuck_ , Kei thought when he realized his brother was staring at him.

“Gosh, you sound like you just acted in a romcom.” Kei muttered, hiding his blushing face. Akiteru laughed.

A while later, Akiteru left Kei with his feelings and thoughts. After his brother left the room, Kei flopped on his bed. He stared up into the ceiling as his demons flew around him.

“Thank god, he finally realized he’s in love!”

“Took him long enough!”

“Jesus, just ask him out already!”

Kei rolled over to his side and clamped his hands around his ears. Then he noticed Akiteru’s demon sitting beside him. Surprisingly enough, the devil did not say anything and instead just stared at Kei.

Kei let out a sigh.

There was a possibility Yamaguchi would have to live with his mother again, so Kei at least should try making up with his brother. So, on that night, Kei made himself promise to try and rekindle his broken relationship with Akiteru.

He stared right back at his demon and if Kei didn’t know better, it seemed smaller than before.


	8. discovery

Kei wasn’t good with feelings.

Having said that, the discovery of his crush on Yamaguchi led to one of the lowest points in their relationship.

It’s not that Kei didn’t like Yamaguchi anymore, he just didn’t know how to act around someone he _like_ liked, you know?

Like, what was Kei supposed to do? Pretend he was just _friends_ with Yamaguchi while the only thing he wants to do is pin him against the wall and kiss every freckle on that adorable face of his?

Okay, maybe it wasn’t just a crush.

No words were exchanged between the two, they just gradually started hanging out with other people. They still walked to and from school with each other, but the normally comfortable silence between them turned into tension. 

Kei longed to hear one of Yamaguchi’s excited ramblings about a cat he saw or the quarter he found on the ground. He could drown out all the comments his demons were making in Yamaguchi’s mellow voice.

But now it was just quiet.

\--

“Okay, what _happened_ between you two?”

Tadashi looked up at Hinata from where he sat on the gym floor. Tadashi glanced at Tsukki who was seated beside him. They locked eyes for a split second before turning away simultaneously. 

“Nothing.”

The tenseness between the two was obvious but remained unspoken of until this point. Tadashi looked down at his shoes and let out a small sigh. Did he do something wrong? Why was Tsukki so distant?

Kageyama walked by. “ _Nothing_ my ass-”

“ _Kageyama_ ,” Sugawara warned from where he was standing next to Asahi. 

“You’re so vulgar, Kageyama,” Hinata scolded, craning his head upwards to face Kageyama properly. The taller boy looked down at the redhead with an unamused expression on his face.

“Okay.”

Tadashi let out a small chuckle at the simplicity of the setter’s answer. In response, Tsukki got up and walked over to the other side of the gym.

Tadashi’s eyes followed longingly after the blond until he took a spot next to Daichi. His gaze fell onto his demon, which stared at him with wide eyes as if he was asking him a question.

What _did_ happen?

Tsukki had always been a reserved person, but Tadashi thought they both knew they could tell each other anything, especially after all they’ve been through together. But, then again Tadashi also hadn’t been telling Tsukki everything as well. 

They were the closest they’ve ever been when things started going downhill. Maybe Tsukki finally found out about Tadashi’s huge crush on him. Or maybe…

Maybe Tsukki finally got tired of him after all.

Tadashi always knew that the reason Tsukki stuck around him was because he pitied him. Who wouldn’t? I mean, it was obvious, why else would a guy like Tsukki hang out with Tadashi if it wasn’t pity? He was tall, smart, drop-dead _gorgeous_ , and probably had gotten more love confessions the past five months than Tadashi would ever receive in his entire lifetime. 

All those girls who confessed to him never bothered to get to know Tsukki. They just wanted the aesthetic of having the guy who’s rude to everybody except them as their boyfriend. Tadashi witnessed first-hand all the pretty girls who professed their feelings to his friend and knew he could never compete with them. 

How could he even think he had a chance against their shiny hair that refracted the sunshine and dainty hands that smelled like daisies and lemons? Their sweet smiles and intelligent eyes that shone like the stars? Anyone in their right mind would choose those girls over Tadashi with his freckles and green hair.

But that never stopped Tadashi from falling in love with the blond.

So, seeing him walking away from Tadashi, just like the way he did after he saved him from the bullies all those years ago, it _hurt_ ㅡlike time was reminding him that Tsukki deserved better.

-

Tadashi walked home by himself that day. 

Tadashi didn’t know he had started crying until he reached his bedroom and looked in the mirror. He felt a slight tingle on his collarbone. Tadashi shrugged it off at first, but it didn’t go away. He looked back at his reflection and saw this faint glow under his shirt.

Terrified, he tore off his shirt and watched in disbelief as a word appeared on his skin.

 _Tsukishima Kei_.

Before Tadashi had any time to process what the _fuck_ was going on, another voice echoed through the seemingly empty house.

“Tadashi? Is that you?”

 _Shit_.

His mother. His goddamn motherㅡhow did he forget his mother was home?

Tadashi had managed to avoid his mother the past weeks by staying quiet and only entering the house when he knew she wasn’t listening. So, barging inside in a fit of tears wasn’t the best way of evading her.

He heard her footsteps getting louder and scrambled to block her from entering. He leaned against the door and held his breath as he heard the doorknob turn in vain.

“Tadashi?”

His mother’s voice was muffled through the door and Tadashi gritted his teeth as she tried opening the door again.

“Are you ok-”

“I’m fine!” Tadashi snapped, quicker than he wanted to. There was no way he could let his mother see him like this. He repeated, “I’m fine.”

“Oh.” That was followed by silence, until, “Can we talk?”

“No,” Tadashi said, nervously looking at the ground. “Not right now.”

“...Okay.”

Tadashi waited until he heard her footsteps faded away before he let out the breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. He dashed back into the bathroom and ogled at the name on his collarbone.

He grabbed his phone and searched up what the appearance of Tsukki’s name meant. Deep down, he already knew why. It meant he had his heartbroken.

There were thousands of thoughts running through Tadashi’s brain at the moment, but there was one that stood out from the rest. Tadashi looked at his reflection in dismay. There was only one word to describe the tear-stained face staring back at him.

 _Pathetic_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter has been in my head for weeks and i finally managed to write it down, sorry for the really long delay!

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, that's how bad I am at this. If you have any questions please ask me in the comments, I know my explaining skills are extremely bad, so please bare with me ;)


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